What a evening just spent 5 hours watching my moms mom lay in bed while she said her goodbyes too all of us …..I’ve seen my moms side of the family today for the 1st time in over 8 years. I’m no longer the black sheep the fuck up, I got more respect today then I have my whole adault life happy and sad all at the same time …..everything happends for a reason going to sleep like a babby tonight after all these tears
Yesterday I went to the nurseing home to see my moms mom she looks like she has about a week left my dads mom is also in the nurseing home has alz so bad she can’t even feed herself cause she don’t know what a fork is. Her husbound my dads dad has lung cancer and refuses to get treatment. I’m about to lose all 3 of my grand parents I just recently got clean today was my second day geting meds from the clinic to stay off the drugs all I want to do is use and not feel the way I do….. my wife feels bad and wants to help but has no idea how to. my best friend is feed up with my lies and faults hope from when I was an addic and saying stupied shit when I was high and won’t even listen to me witch I don’t blam her……I’m so alone and I hate every feeling I have its true when someone close to u dies or is about too it really makes u think about ur life and how you want to spend it.
I’ve been sobor for about 3 months now, I’ve gone to NA meeting got a sponcer. Sence I’ve got back to barre I’ve stayed away from dealing and the drugs I’ve stuck to my bute and as of tomarrow ill be on the bute program leagaly from a doc. I’ve sined up for groups I’ve gone a couple times I’m inrolled with central vermont substance abuse services im going to take work shops for wellness daily maintance plan, indent self help, lurning triggers crisis and post-crisis planning. I’m going throu my own 12 step programs makeing wright with people I’ve hurt in my past due to my life choice and drug use. I’m also going to inroll in community kitchen academy its a 13 week full-time job training program to become a frunt line cook. I’ve come along way and I still have a long way to go but ill get there no matter what ill get my shit together before its too late